For a long time I’ve been trying to get my friends to read a book called Atlas Shrugged so that it could change their lives and they could be as big of assholes as me (at least for a little while). Well, during most of said long time I hadn’t even finished reading the book myself, seeing as it’s the biggest, longest, most-smallest-print book ever made. So, for the same reason, most of my friends won’t read it — except the truely die hard, like Jason and Ronnie.
Jason, however, will never read the last chapter because our false god told him not to, so he found a solution to all of our problems: The Abridged Atlas Shrugged!